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Splitting Heirs
Splitting Heirs
About the Play
SPLITTING HEIRS is an original comedy in verse, very loosely based on Le Legataire Universel, by Jean-Francois Regnard, an early 18th century French playwright who composed the body of his work approximately 25 years after the death of his revered idol, Moliere. This rendering is its first in English.
It has a cast of 5 men and 3 women, and preserves the unities of time, place and action. The language is in verse in the style of Moliere, i.e. in rhymed couplets. World premiere and subsidiary rights are available.
Cast of Characters (in order of appearance)
ERASTE - Nephew to GERONTE, bumbling, awkward, shy, Loveable, scared of his uncle, madly in love with—
ISABELLE: - The girl next door. Everything you’ve ever wanted in an ingenue and less. Never says more than three Words in a row until the epilogue. Conveys her Character in poses.
CRISPIN* - Servant to ERASTE, jack-of-all-trades, bon-vivant, Master of disguise. Fences, plays a German doctor, A woman and impersonates GERONTE.
LISETTE - Prototype comic maid, servant to GERONTE. Sharp, Sassy, plays a man in one scene.
GERONTE - An old, sick miser. Dies several times.
MME ARGANTE - ISABELLE’S mother. Dame Edith Evans & Edna May Oliver rolled into one.
NOTARY - One of GERONTE’s lawyers. A very short man. (Can be played by a midget or a man on his knees). Also plays the ASSISTANT to the GENDARME.
PIERRE - Notary's brother. Another very short man. Also plays the GENDARME.
* Note pronunciation Kree-SPAN.
Scene Sample
PROLOGUE
(The stage is black except for a special on ISABELLE & ERASTE. He is on one knee. She faces away from him, frozen in a lovely demure tableau. He hesitates, then speaks. She moves only to change poses)
ERASTE
My dearest Isabelle—I—that is—I
ISABELLE
Yes?
ERASTE
I have a secret longing to confess.
One which I carry with me in my heart.
May I impart its thought to you?
ISABELLE
Impart.
ERASTE
(During his next lines he prompts himself from crib sheets fastened to various parts of his
body—inside his hat, coat, on the sole of his shoe, etc.)
Well, then, dear Isabelle, I mean—uh—
ISABELLE
Yes?
ERASTE
If but my heart could speak, it would confess
A hundred sweet enchantments which your face
Creates within it. Let me words embrace
Your—
ISABELLE
Oh!
ERASTE
Heart, as yours has embraced my own.
Which beats, here, evermore, for you alone.
The moment we first met—when?
ISABELLE
Yesterday.
ERASTE
I felt a peace surround my sorry way.
Since first I heard the music in your voice—
ISABELLE
(Demonstrating)
Ah! Ah!
ERASTE
That makes the wingéd bird rejoice.
Would I could better fashion into speech
The love I bear you. How must I beseech,
Explain, cajole and flatter such a sense
That you might not show cool indifference
To this sweet longing that my soul endures
In its desire to be as one with yours.
It wanders, silent, lonely, late at night,
In search of an oasis of requite
For its most tender passion—
ISABELLE
Oh!
ERASTE
Forgive
The candor of my ardor, but to live
In doubt and darkness, aching so to pass
Into the light of your sweet eyes—
ISABELLE
Alas!
ERASTE
Your loving, giving heart must long to cure
This tender malady, so clear, so pure—
ISABELLE
Yes!
ERASTE
Then, do you consent to let me dwell
In paradise with dearest Isabelle?
Your honey lips need only to confess
That you might condescend to love me—
ISABELLE
Yes!
(Stunned that she has agreed, he collects, himself, kisses her hand and faints dead away. She turns and smiles down at him as the lights go to black).
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