ONE ACTOR
At the quarterly meeting, when all of the
greeting
And talking and shouting was done,
The chairlady protem,-- La Gazelle -- cried--
LA GAZELLE
Ahem!
Would you please take your seats, everyone!
(The other actors sit on the stage
floor. LA
GAZELLE speaks toward the audience, withmusic underscoring)
There’s a problem severe to be handled,
that’s clear,
And I’m speaking to all within hearing!
From the west to the east, every beautiful
beast
In our kingdom is fast disappearing!
SONG:
TOUGH STUFF
ALL
(Chorus- march tempo)
OH, IT'S TOUGH TO BE AN ANIMAL TODAY
THERE'S NO ROOM TO GROW OR MULTIPLY OR
PLAY
EVERY WOOD AND JUNGLE CLEARING INCH BY
INCH IS DISAPPEARING
AND WE'VE GOT TO TAKE SOME ACTION RIGHT
AWAY!
OH IT'S TOUGH TO BE AN ANIMAL, IT'S TRUE
SO WE'RE HERE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE SHOULD
DO
WE COULD PROTEST, BEG OR PLEAD, A CAMPAIGN
IS WHAT WE NEED,
OH, IT'S TOUGH TO BE ANIMAL TODAY.
(Interlude- soft shoe tempo)
LA GAZELLE
HOW'S THE AFRICAN DOG?
AFRICAN DOG
DIMINISHING FAST.
LA GAZELLE
THE PYGMY HOG?
PYGMY HOG
WE'LL NEVER LAST!
LA GAZELLE
AND WHAT ABOUT
THE MONKEYS FROM BRAZIL?
ALL
OVERKILL!
PYGMY HOG
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE MANATEE?
MONKEY
THE MARMOT AND
THE MANGABEY?
BOTH
THEY MIGHT AS WELL SIT DOWN AND WRITE A
WILL!
LA GAZELLE
THOUGH I KNOW IT'S DOWNRIGHT SILLY
THERE ARE MARMOSETS IN CHILE
WHO ARE LOSING ALL THEIR RELATIVES AND
FRIENDS
ALL
IT'S A STICKY SITUATION FACING EVERY SINGLE
NATION
AND WE'VE GOT TO STOP THESE DISAPPEARING
TRENDS!
OH IT'S TOUGH TO BE AN ANIMAL THESE DAYS
THERE'S NO PLAIN TO ROAM NO PASTURELAND
TO GRAZE
AND THE WATER THAT WE DRINK
IS FILLED WITH AWFUL THINGS THAT STINK
WE REALLY THINK WE'RE ON THE BRINK OF MASS
EXTINCTION!
OH, IT'S HARD TO BE A BEAST ON PLANET EARTH
IT'S AN IFFY SITUATION RIGHT FROM BIRTH
BUT LET'S NOT GET TOO UPSET,
‘CAUSE THEY HAVEN'T LICKED US YET
OH IT'S TOUGH, YES IT'S ROUGH,
IT'S TOUGH STUFF TO BE AN ANIMAL TODAY!
(After the song, SIDNEY STORK raises his wing)
LA GAZELLE
Sidney Stork
from Iran?
SIDNEY STORK
We must go straight to man.
He's a pretty smart species, no doubt.
A TIGER
Yes, but man is the cause of our natural
laws
Being broken!
LA GAZELLE
There’s no need to shout!
NEAL (THE CARIBBEAN
SEAL)
Let's not argue! I feel, though I'm only
a seal,
That it's man who can turn it around
Sure, his head’s full of fluff and his
heart's kinda tough,
But he does have his feet on the ground.
LA GAZELLE
Mr. Round Island
Skink?--
SKINK
Do you know what I think?
I think we need to think just like man.
SKINK (CONT’D.)
What would he do in case he was losing
the race?
Just what kind of plan would he plan?
LA GAZELLE
(As all the actors begin squawking,
squeaking and running about
the stage)
So they all started growling......
(The actors growl)
And
chirping....
(They chirp)
And howling....
(They howl)
The roof seemed to lift from the house!
(The leaves shake and rise a bit)
Then a voice in the crowd, shouted--
PERCY
QUIET!
ALL
(holding their
ears)
Too
loud!
LA GAZELLE
And the room got as still as a mouse.
(All actors freeze as PERCY swoops
down stage)
PERCY
I’m Percival Powell, the Philippine owl
And I’ve got a brilliant idea!
If the flat headed cat, the kangaroo rat
The rail and the quail and the rhea,
Tuned up with the yak and the stump-tailed
macaque,
The snail and the golden coqui,
With their instruments all in a big music
hall,
Now that would be something to see!
JAPANESE CRANE
Ah, so very humane!
PERCY
Said the Japanese crane.
JAPANESE CRANE
An orchestra filled with distinction,
A benefit night to point out the plight...
ENSEMBLE
Of the species at risk of extinction!
